I wish Doraemon existed...

Time is something I wish I had more of—something I can never get enough of. I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way. When I logged in to my Blogger account, I saw a bunch of unfinished drafts with just a short paragraph or two, capturing thoughts I'd wanted to preserve. Honestly, I no longer remember what I was thinking when I wrote them, and I wish I had a clue what I was trying to express. Yes, I wish Doraemon existed, so I could turn back time to understand what I wanted to record. It also makes me wonder: if I could stop time from passing, would I feel calm enough to finally finish writing my thoughts down? 

As I grow older, my frustration grows more easily. Everything takes time, and I've lost the patience to spend it freely. Consequently, I often leave my thoughts unfinished on this blog. And it's not just writing; there are many things I can't finish, as I have a habit of giving up halfway through. I can't help but feel anxious when I spend too long on one task; it makes it hard to breathe.

Once again, I wish Doraemon existed. He had a gadget designed as a time-freeze room, a place where you could set a goal and finish it undisturbed. How I wish I had that room.

My anxiety stems from the feeling that I don't have much youth left. Youth is invaluable, and I want to spend it wisely, using it to accomplish as much as possible. However, time is like sand in a clenched fist; it slips away no matter how hard you try to hold on. 

As someone who is approaching her thirties, I find it painful to look back on what I have achieved and how I should plan the last two years of my twenties. It always feels like I have done nothing throughout my life, and I don't really think I can achieve much in the next two years. 

I have been unemployed for around 2 months and since returning from my trip to Sydney, I have no job and I seem to be set free. Yet, I have never really felt free. I just want to do so many things; from watching all the free lectures from University YouTube accounts to learning languages. 

During this free period, I started picking up this blog again, determined to improve my English, mainly my writing skills and I managed to post twice earlier this month. Actually, I started writing this post two to three weeks ago, but I stopped after the first paragraph. The reason is that organizing my thoughts—which are like a hopelessly messy room—takes a huge amount of time. 

Writing my last posts makes me wonder: how long would it have taken my teenage self to write the same thing? Have my English writing skills worsened over the years? Or have they simply never improved? I have spent my whole life learning English. It has not always been intensive, but I have still invested a great deal of time and effort. The thought that after all this, my English might only be at a B2 level is a deeply frustrating one.

I wish I could freeze the time, so I could improve my English and do other things that need investing a long period of time without aging. I wish Doraemon existed...

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