The Education System Failed Me. Now I Want to Fix It.

I love writing my thoughts and sharing them with people. Yet, it has been a year since I wrote my last blog post, even though I thought I could maintain a habit of writing monthly when I started. I guess I was just too naive back then. Clicking open my blog today, my mind flew back to writing that very first entry. It was not long after I started mentoring that I began writing here. It saddens me that the mentoring program ended long ago. It has been a month since it ended, and I left the school over seven weeks ago. The fact that today is the 1st of September—the day the new school year begins, is painful. It is a stark reminder that I have to officially say goodbye to that chapter of my life, and that my path will likely never cross with my previous students again. 

Why did I join Teach Unlimited Foundation, a non-profit education organization, at the beginning? It was because I was desperate to make a change. I wanted to make things better and cultivate a sense of happiness in the next generation—something I desperately lacked during my own primary and secondary school years. 

From a young age, I had absolutely no clue why we needed to go to school. Many of my primary school teachers were demons in human form. They shouted, pulled students' hair and ears, threw their books and schoolbags on the floor, and then made them pick everything up. I experienced these things during Primary 1 to 4. I never felt like they treated us as human beings. On top of being treated like dogs, the highly restrictive classroom environment killed my curiosity. Who wants to learn when you are constantly being told to sit still and be quiet? We humans are born with curiosity; we want to learn where babies come from and why the sky is blue. I am sure we all encountered questions from children that we didn't know how to answer. Even now, at twenty-eight, after having worked in a school setting for two years, I still don't understand why we need to 'learn' in schools. Modern schools do not facilitate learning; they discourage it. They fail to provide a reason for learning or any real incentives. Teachers often force students to listen without ever explaining why the subject matter is important. 

They say schools exist to facilitate our growth, but my experience was the opposite. School felt solely about getting good grades and passing exams. The underlying value the system promotes is that your academic ability is equal to your worth, no matter how much they try to deny it. Growing up, I never felt I was worthy; I was constantly compared to my peers and my straight-A younger brother, who excelled academically. 

The after-school learning centre I spent so much of my childhood in was a nightmare that still haunts me—something I don't even want to think about. The learning centre operated like a factory that prioritized efficiency; kids had to finish their homework as quickly as possible and prepare for the dictations. Not much help was offered, since there were only 2 staff members, and they couldn't possibly take care of all the students. Just like the human-like demons at school, the teacher there, Miss Kang, was a grumpy witch with no patience with children. I remember one Easter holiday when my brother and I visited Mainland China for a couple days. When we returned to the learning center, Miss Kang was visibly annoyed—she had already checked all the other kids’ homework and didn’t want to check another set. She didn't even try to hide her negativity. Now you see why I call her a grumpy witch. And that’s not even mentioning her habit of hitting us with rulers. She had a rule: if you didn't finish your homework within a set time, she would hit you with a ruler and everyone would watch you being hit. On Mondays, every unfinished assignment meant one strike; on Tuesdays, two strikes per assignment. On Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays, you can do the Math. 

And yet, to say she was purely evil would be a lie. I still remember her giving me a candy on the first day I joined the learning centre when she escorted me to the pickup point because I was good. Not to mention, she escorted me and my brother when our parents couldn't pick us up countless times. I still keep the toys she let me choose as rewards for my improved grades. When my parents divorced, she was very kind to give us a discount on the fees to support my mom.

After working at a school for two years and meeting many teachers who are passionate but discouraged by the education system, I believe Miss Kang was also someone passionate about helping children, but felt overwhelmed and didn't know how to handle a big group of them at once. Yet, I wish she had never done those things that I wish I could forget. 

Primary school was already hell for me. Imagine then having to go to a freaking learning center that also tortures kids after leaving that horrible place. Yet, I clung to Miss Kang and those human-like demons, trying to show affection towards them. Not because I liked them, but because as a child, you are vulnerable; you cling to every adult around you, even if they are cruel to you. And in truth, I hate them deeply.   

Secondary school was heaven compared to primary school. Some teachers actually gave me encouragement and valued me as a person, not a peasant. Yet, my self-esteem had already been demolished by that time and I was deep down mentally unwell. I craved attention and I used crazy methods to get it. Many of peers hated me or they disliked me because of how I acted—and I completely understand why. It took me countless years to build a sense of self-worth. I wish there were a time machine so I could go back and tell my younger self, ' You are worthy, and you will achieve great things.'

Tutoring—being the adult figure that I wish I had had—somehow helped heal the wounds from my childhood. When I gained my first success in teaching English with my original ideas, the sense of empowerment surged through my whole body and made me realise that I might have the power to change people's lives and make this world a better place. I tried my very best to make the children understand I was there to help and to prove to them that they could do very well when proper help was provided. I made learning fun by using a variety of tools and gamifying the process as much as possible to encourage them to try. The encouragement and love I received from the kids I taught and their moms gave me the courage to sign up for the mentorship program that Teach Unlimited Foundation offered. I am very grateful for the chance to have been a mentor, and I had a wonderful time with my colleagues and the students.

I still want to make a positive impact on the education system; I want to build a learning environment that can truly nurture children. I want every child to feel cherished and celebrated for their uniqueness and to know that they are worthy. I am sure there are educators who feel the same. I hope to reach out to those who share this vision in the future and work together to achieve this goal.